Five ways to make Facebook better

Make facebook work for you. It's not that hard.

FACEBOOK sucks. 

 

If it doesn't yet suck for you, it can start at any time and quickly blaze out of control.  Making things bearable again - even better than they were - can be a difficult prospect for the average user. 

We're going to go out on a limb here and suggest that you use Facebook for more reasons than simply 'staying in touch.' You might play the stupid games. You spy on ex partners. You eagerly await the sudden appearance of the next hilarious YouTube opus and/or awesome article. You want to be entertained by Facebook. Of course you do - it's a great medium for that in a lot of different ways.

A few things can get in the way, though. We'll need to fix those before the merriment may continue (or start).

1. Uninteresting Updates From Uninteresting Humans

You might have a few hundred "friends." Some people will have a few thousand. Whatever the case, nobody has that many actual friends. Nobody. The problem with friending that guy you ran into at a bar who also liked drinking eight years ago is that you end up with a feed full of awful, useless, whinging, mundane bulls**t. Hell can totally be other people, especially on Facebook. Now, defriending people can start something. We don't want to do that. Instead, you can unfollow. Scroll up to the right corner of a post from someone you can't stand. A little box that was previously invisible will appear. Click it, and click 'Hide'. Then go the extra mile and click 'Change what updates you get from <insert insufferable human garbage here>.' Click 'Unfollow'. They are now gone from your feed forever. And they'll never know, either.

2. People's Dumb Babies

Some of your Facebook chums are legitimately cool. However, even cool people sometimes have babies and this can cause a horrible schism to occur in your enjoyment of them: They are now parents. Proud parents. Proud new parents who will show the world their unremarkable bore-spawn doing nothing at all at least 200 times per spare moment. You can't simply unfollow these people though, they were formerly cool and maybe show glimmers of this in between bore-spawn offensives. The solution is to a) Start using Google Chrome, and b) Install unbaby.me. The child is now kittens.

3. Everything You Like Is Boring

Most of us see the page of something we enjoy or have enjoyed only recently (like a new movie, say) and instinctively click 'Like' on it because, well, we like it. This natural reaction has the adverse effect of cluttering your feed with huge steaming piles of 'engagement' that's either redundant or grasping. Annoying, right? Apart from resisting the urge to Like everything within personal interest range, be judicious about what pages you let into your FB boudoir. Here, let us assist in this matter of grave import: news.com.au (of course), AskMen Australia (for fun), Shock Mansion (they live for the best vids on the web), and I f***ing love science (learn while you laugh). 

4. It's The Little Things

It really is. Facebook's little annoyances can add up to one huge suppository that constitutes your social media experience. Endless event invites (even from complete strangers. How does that work?), insistent hassle from apps and your friends' silly startups, guilt-brokering pictures of maimed animals, and the dreaded poke. Refrain from any of this, especially poking anyone. It's weird and nobody knows how to feel about it. Furthermore, stamp out the tyranny of event invites (just say "no" or, if you're chicken, "maybe") or receive constant updates whenever somebody posts in them forever. Your mind is a terrible thing to lose and housecleaning your Facebook is essential.

5. You

The average Facebook user has over 120 friends and likes another 100 groups or pages. You're an average Facebook user. That's a lot of potential pollution you might also be putting out. The problem could be you, or you could be part of it. It's incredibly tempting to see 'What's on your mind?' and be very quick to take up the invite to talk about yourself and thus bore everyone to death with triviality, passive-aggressiveness, attention-seeking, or egotism. Self-absorption is one of the biggest problems with social media. Most people are unremarkable and don't realise it. If the internet is good for anything, it's good for escapism and/or education. Next time you go to tell the world "lovin' lunch right now lol/someone has really done it now/man I can't believe what just happened/in New York & ur not," backspace it to hell and try this instead: Share something of intense worth and interest. It could be the latest expose on Mexican drug cartels or that time Frenzal Rhomb's frontman got a tapeworm stuck in his brain. You're selflessly contributing good stuff and you look good doing it. Start that trend.

TOA MAONI YAKO HAPA CHINI